just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
