I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
