we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
