hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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