I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
