@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
