i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize