do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
