Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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