he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
