my text book just quoted the cookie monster
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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