remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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