you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
