His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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