and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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