I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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