It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize