I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
