I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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