My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
