Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
