remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
