Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize