I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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