I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
