At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
