is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
