i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
