i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
