You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I want her autograph on my taint
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
