nut hugger
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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