I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
