oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
