I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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