My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
