My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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