I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
