if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
