3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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