I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need a beard to bite.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
