both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
