I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
