I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
