I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
