saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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