No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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