I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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