I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
