i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
