i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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