Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
