it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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