First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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