I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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