I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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