I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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