My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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