So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
