u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
