The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
