I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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