i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
