I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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