Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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