sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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