I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
