It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
