he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
