Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm at about main and main street
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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