Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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