3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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