I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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